Blind Spot – Chapter 9
Trick or Treat?
Mercy stops calling, stops texting. That’s that, then?
No.
One bright morning, she turns up in a cloud of red dust. I never lock the doors while I’m home, so suddenly, there she is. In the entrance hall.
‘Knock, knock!’
‘What are you doing here?’
I try to block the hallway. As far as a skinny, five-foot-seven guy can, faced with an athletic woman who must be nudging six foot in those heels. She comes in for a peck on the cheek, then dances past me, like I’ve invited her in.
‘I had a chat with your wife,’ she throws over her shoulder, as if she met Em in the IGA, between the deli counter and the frozen pizzas. ‘She’s worried for you. So, she asked me to look after you.’
‘Get the fuck out of my house.’
She turns to face me.
‘No.’
‘I’ll call the police.’
‘Go ahead. But listen to me first.’
‘Piss off.’
‘Charming. Em said you could be stubborn, temperamental, occasionally foul-mouthed. Also that you didn’t have a violent bone in your body and I wasn’t to take the temper tantrums seriously.’
‘Leave my wife out of this.’
‘I can’t. She sent me.’
‘Yeah, you said that.’
‘Think about it, Benjamin. I knew exactly how to get you off. That little trick with the index finger under the glans, just the slightest pressure. Who do you think told me how to make you gush like a fire hose?’
‘That’s disgusting.’
‘No it isn’t. Stop being a prude. Em asked me to take care of your needs.’ She pauses, licks her incisors with the tip of her tongue. ‘I said it would be my pleasure. I have needs too, you see?’
‘Yeah, well, good for you. But I don’t need your help with mine, thanks.’
‘Evidently you do. Oh, and she also said not to let that cheating bitch Jeannie have you. It really pissed her off, that last time. Wearing the new red lingerie Jonno had just given her, the plump little minx. Tsk tsk.’
‘Now you’re telling me my dead wife spies on me having sex with her best friend?’
Were the knickers and bra red? No idea. So Jeannie planned the whole thing? I thought I’d seduced her …
Then I pull myself together. What the hell are you thinking? This is all bullshit.
She’s still talking:
‘… but then, why would you find that surprising? Em has your best interests at heart.’
‘You’re fucking insane.’
‘How much detail do I have to go into before you believe me, Widdle Benjy Wabbit?’
It’s almost a knockout punch. Em’s excruciating first nickname for me when we started dating. But I push myself off the ropes and come out swinging:
‘Alright. The first time Em and I had sex?’
She closes her eyes for a moment, massages her temples with her fingertips. Yeah, yeah. I’ve seen that act before.
‘Third date. Fifteenth of March, nineteen ninety-eight. Your flat in Camden. You invited her back “for a coffee” after the Radiohead gig. She stayed the night. She loved it that you asked her to stay, by the way, and went out to buy fresh croissants for breakfast. So romantic!’
I thought it was The Verve. Otherwise, sounds plausible. And Em did love a good croissant.
Plausible, but inconclusive. We’ll up the ante, then.
‘How many miscarriages she had?’
‘Two, that she told you about. In two thousand and five, then the second one two years later. Christmas Eve, two thousand and seven.’
‘That she told me about?’
‘The third time, she didn’t tell you she was pregnant. Twenty ten. Held on to be certain. She lost the baby in week eight. She says she’s very sorry. It wasn’t fair to shut you out like that.’
I remember the unaccountable sadness, the crying in the night. This is mad. I feel like crying myself.
‘Look, I know this is a lot to take in. I don’t blame you for being suspicious, any sane person would –’
‘So let me check I’m getting this right,’ I cut in.
‘Sure.’
‘My dead wife has hired you to wank me off occasionally.’
‘No, wrong on three counts, Benjamin. Firstly, she hasn’t hired me, exactly. I’m not for hire. She invited me to get involved because she’s concerned for your welfare and, frankly, your mental health. Secondly, my … remit, let’s call it … is much broader. As broad as we choose to make it.’
‘You said three counts.’
‘It doesn’t have to be occasional.’
‘What if I don’t find you attractive? What if I don’t even like you?’
She colours slightly. I’ve hit a nerve.
‘I think we both know that neither of those things are true, but –’
‘The thing is, frankly, I don’t even know how I feel about you, because this whole scenario is completely fucking mental and the way you behaved the other week was bizarre and abusive. You can’t just go grabbing my private parts like they belong to you.’
‘I’m really sorry. I thought I was helping but – it was an error of judgement.’
‘That’s putting it mildly. I mean, fucking hell, if I did that to you, the cops would be round faster than you could type hashtag-metoo.’
‘Actually, I would love it if you did the equivalent to me. And Em told me that sometimes, she would take you by surprise. And that you enjoyed being dominated.’
‘But Jesus Christ, that’s my wife …’
‘I’m so, so sorry. So is she. Being dead doesn’t make her omniscient and … we misjudged how you’d feel about it.’
For the first time, I’ve dented that ironclad equanimity.
But of course, this is all crap of the most egregious kind. Pure fantasy. Keep hold of that. Don’t let yourself be gaslighted, or gaslit, or whatever the fuck they call it.
It’s no good.
Faced with her presence – her very physical, tangible presence – I feel my will crumbling. How is that I’m so weak, where she’s concerned? Has my isolation really made me this vulnerable, this needy?
Or has it simply freed me from the judgement of others?
One thing I know with sudden clarity: I want this woman in my life.
And here she is – up for it.
God help me.
Next week in Blind Spot:
Chapter 10: Fireworks
Mercy messes with Ben’s head. Or does she?
Acknowledgement of Country: This story is set on the lands of the Djargurd Wurrung, while the author lives on Wadawurrung country. I pay my respects to their Elders past, present and emerging.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Characters, institutions and organisations mentioned herein are the product of the author’s imagination. The locations are based on real places.
That was an interesting talk 😎. Looks like Ben is still suspicious. But he wants her in his life so he will play along 🤷♀️
Mercy!